Legalize - PLEASE!

Today was the perfect example of why legalization would help me - at least. My mood was foul - very foul.  I am in pain, I have things going on in my life that are beyond frustrating - money, health, etc - and to top it off I was hungry. Not a good combo. I had plans with My Ex to run errands and we did, but being in pain and hungry my temper and patience  were very short. I had a doctors appointment in the afternoon and that with the fact that My Ex cannot reek of marijuana right before he goes to work were the reasons I chose to not smoke. Now, choosing to not smoke My Ex got the brunt of my shitty attitude and my doctor got to see the immense pain I am in. So I guess that part is good, but the fact I would rather be dead, not so much.

This did give me the opportunity to feel out my doctor's opinion on marijuana, and I now know he is open to the idea - AFTER we try big pharma first. I said I would gather all my medical records to prove I had gone down that road. I only had a few records from former doctors. But I have started in the right direction and am choosing to stick with this doctor. He understands my insurance runs out on the 31st of this month and is willing to work with me. So anyway, good things happened - but I still was wishing for death.

If cannabis were legal, I would have lit up a joint with no fear of My Ex getting in trouble or proving to my doctor, yes, I am truly in immense pain - please kill me now. So now, after all that, I sit here with Grand Daddy Purps in my bong trying to figure out how to get through to people who don't see the benefits of legalization. I know legalization would benefit the economy - watching a documentary last night even the DEA agents all said cannabis is the LARGEST cash crop in America. I know it would benefit our health. It cures cancer for fucks sake. I know Big Pharma doesn't want the public to know this, but it is true. Yes, TRUE. 

http://youtu.be/L4GzKy62UBE

So, my rant is over for now. My mood is better, my pain is still there, but I can deal with it now and not feeling like I wish I were dead. Thanks to a non-toxic, non-addictive, natural plant.

Random Pot Thoughts

I have been thinking a lot about something an old friend of mine said about smoking cannabis and losing your rights. I also had a nice little mini-debate with a very close family member who thinks this is ok, until I spoke up. Well, not really, he is still very close minded about marijuana, but I made my point, and I know he heard it :D

Being a medical marijuana patient you lose your Second Amendment right - the one to bear arms. Yeah, that one. I will call my family member F and my friend will be C. And here it goes...

C and I are discussing this issue. C says, "Another reason to not smoke legally" - as in C refuses to lose their right to gun ownership. Can't say I blame C one single bit. Our living situations are different, but being able to have home security is nice. I know my dog wouldn't do shit if someone broke into my home, well she might try to play with them, but security, nah. Being able to provide my family with food. Now, even though I don't have a penis, I have hunted, and am not opposed to doing it again. I think providing food for my loved ones was one of the most amazing things I have done. Shot it, had the boys help me carry it since my back is so bad, I cleaned it, and helped cut it up and I even made dinner - several times over. With the deer I killed. I am not allowed to feed my family this way anymore because I smoke pot.

I debate with F about this issue. F brought up the Amendments and I bring up MMJ and lost rights. First thing F says is, "GOOD!". I ask why. Now, please keep in mind F is VERY conservative, beyond opinionated, and HATES anything illegal. My theory on that last one is how long F spent in the military and being brainwashed. Just what I think. So F tells me that anyone on medication should not have the right to bear arms! WOW! Being F is on medication I let F know that THEY should not have their guns then! I hit a nerve ;) See, F not only was a career military veteran, F also enjoys hunting and is concerned about home security. So F stammers, "But, I am not stoned on my medication..." I beg to differ, 800 mg ibuprofen has a warning label on it telling you it may cause drowsiness. Hmmm, this is an oddly familiar side affect of the natural medicine - CANNABIS!!!! So F promptly tells me the First Amendment says F doesn't have to listen to what I think about this issue. Now, I KNOW I hit a nerve, because this is F giving up and F doesn't give up. I let F know that yes, you don't have to listen to what I have to say but the way I was raised is to hear what the other person has to say and think about it. F knows who raised me and is rather quiet. I make my point that gun shop owners have been informed to discriminate against what people look like while purchasing guns. F actually agrees that discrimination is not ok. I feel a move in the direction of maaaaaaaaaaaybe getting through a little. Regardless, we debate and I voice that yes, we disagree and that is ok. I thank F for the healthy debate and go on about my day with a smile on my face and a bounce in my step. I am growing balls to discuss marijuana with F and other members of my family, but especially F. So this made my day, if I got though amazing, and I know I didn't, but it is still amazing because what I think and how I feel is known.

So all this babbling does have a point. I find it sad that people have to choose to save their lives, their quality of life, ease their pain, help them go out in public and be members of society, deal with PTSD, deal with pain and may other ailments by using cannabis or still be a legal gun owner. Lawmakers, I BEG of you to explain to me WHY this makes sense to you! You must also be the same people who think everyone who smokes pot is a lazy video game addicted idiot. Well, you need to open your eyes and see this is not the case. I will fight you, and your ridiculous rules. And I will spread the truth about marijuana - pot - ganja - dank - sticky icky - oh I can go on, but I have three strains to medicate myself with and am not sure where to start.

Another Year... It Is Getting Better

Yup, tonight marks year 13. At least I can drive through that intersection a little easier now... I still get clammy hands, but at least I no longer break out into a full body sweat :)

We we coming home from Soul Coughing, an amazing show! I made sure that B (my ex-husband) did not drink more than one beer because I was already paranoid about drinking and driving. We were dropping off 4 (my sister's date) and were on Mill Plain headed north at the old library. This is what I can remember:

B was driving, I was the front passenger, C (my sister) behind B and 4 was behind me. We were at the light and it turned green and I told B, "Hey, it's green, GO!" Not yelling but kind of joking,. The next thing I remember is opening my eyes to see my windshield shattered and smoke coming from the engine. My airbag was open and dust was all in my mouth. I promptly passed out. When I opened my eyes again I heard C moaning. I look left and B is not conscious. I look at C and see blood - all over the place. I felt SO claustrophobic and removed my seat belt as quick as I could (not very quickly, I was woozy) and got out on my hands and knees. I was wearing a dress and got so much glass in my knees and hands from crawling to get C and B out. I get to the front of my car and there is a bumper on it (not mine), we are now facing west and my car - 1998 Toyota Corolla - is in the shape of a V. I was thinking how pissed I was my car was in pieces and my sister and B are bleeding but can't communicate with me yet. I realize I can't open the doors, but the windows are gone so I touch B and get him to make a noise, 4 is getting out right about this time, and I move to my sister's window and some (I will restrain from using negative terms about this person, even though I would really like to type what I think. I realize we all make mistakes and I have tried to forgive. I just cannot forget. No matter how hard I try.) woman comes at my car and is slurring her words and puts a hand in the driver's window and passenger's window - proceeds to shake my car and ask if they are ok! I am rather protective of the people I love and I went nuts on her. She was wearing a pink fuzzy sweater. People started getting between her and I. Witnesses, had not even dawned on me there could be people around. I smoked tobacco then and was freaking out and tried to light a smoke, but a cop freaked out and made me go sit down. Things get a little spotty here - I saw cops grab the woman that hit us and take her to their car and she was gone. I saw fire fighters, and the jaws of life came out. Imagine being in shock seeing this with two people who mean so much to you, trapped inside and you are told to sit and stay. I didn't do as I was told very well (still don't ;)) and when I was asking if B and C were ok I was getting vague answers, and well, I don't do well with those kinds of answers... They got B out and I heard them talking about how they were going to get C out - her left leg was trapped between the frame of the car and the driver's seat. I heard someone say amputate and well yeah, I think we can all imagine. They asked me who I wanted to ride with B or C. I chose my sister, and I would again. She was in worse shape, and I admit she means the world to me. I recall the ride to the hospital with her and the things I said. Those are going to stay with me, sorry. I remember the ER. Again, nobody wanted to tell me how C and B were, I FREAKED out until they gave me answers, they then sedated me. My parents showed up. Not fun. They had no idea I went and picked my sister up from school in Eugene for the show. They were NOT happy about that one bit.

All of us lived. I know my medical conditions stemmed from this night. I went to court and asked the judge to give the woman that hit us the most harsh sentence he could - she about killed 4 people. She refused to blow so the cops had to take her to the ER and get her blood drawn, it was over double the "legal" limit .08 for Washington State. I heard they had to strap her down to get it. I heard she went to jail for some time. I do not even recall her name. Not sure what has come of her, but she has really put a damper on my life. It's ok though, because she has also given me a purpose. To live the best life I possibly can.

So, to her, I take a bong hit, to help ease my pain, to help ease my anxiety and to help me smile.