Marijuana and My Rights

So, I posted on my Facebook page a link about OMMP being able to keep our rights to bear arms. Here is the link:

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/05/19/national/main20064366.shtml

I wasn't expecting any comments, but always welcome them. Even from my friends who think marijuana should stay illegal. I am hopeful that someday I will be able to open their eyes to the benefits of this plant, but will not hold my breath. Here is the comment from my friend:

This is ridiculous. I have a concealed carry permit. I can't operate a car stoned on weed because it impairs my ability , but I can carry a concealed handgun while stoned when my Judgement is impaired. One mistake from a pothead shooting someone will give all the gun control nuts the ammo they need to take my gun rights away. If people wanna get stoned in their own home, fine, but don't let them put my life in jeopardy. That's Oregon for you, socialist gay loving liberals. I am ashamed to work there. Ugh.

Now, keep in mind I no longer own a gun. But, I am an OMMP. I am also a pro-gun OMMP. I have even blogged about this issue before. But, I feel it needs more attention. So, here we go. This should be fun :)

First, let's touch on our rights here. Everyone who is a U.S. citizen has the right to bear arms, unless you screw up, like kill someone, rob a liquor store, commit a felony. You get the idea. Now, I believe this is fair. 

Second, let's touch on the driving part of the comment. I am in the daily pain I am in because of a drunk driver. We all know drinking and driving do not mix. Marijuana and driving? Let me say something, marijuana helps me on the road. I am paranoid behind the wheel without cannabis in my system to calm me down. I think any person might hit me, a cop will pull me over for looking paranoid, my car will die and I will be stranded, seriously the list goes on and on. I know this will piss people off that I am openly admitting to smoking and driving, but oh well, this needs to happen. I am not the only person who does this. There are ongoing tests about driving under the influence of cannabis and also DUI from THC. People are being arrested for DUI in Washington State when SOBER!!! because the law says the amount of THC in their bloodstream must mean they are high. This is unfair. I will save this for another time. I know a patient in Washington State that has proven she needs marijuana to be able to safely operate her vehicle. Here is a link about driving while stoned:

http://blogs.laweekly.com/informer/2010/06/driving_while_stoned_pot.php

Third, let's touch on impaired judgement. We all make choices. Some are good and some well, not so good. Now, when I smoke pot I can tell you my judgement is not impaired. I promise you my decisions would be the same if I was not smoking pot. Except for the fact that sober, I snap a lot quicker and think later. In my experience, this does not always work out for the best for me. Stoned, I am able to think about the situation and process it and make my decision. Now, let's compare my judgement sober vs stoned on cannabis vs stoned on morphine. This is where it gets fun for me. I have told about my past being not so good while on the legally prescribed morphine. I was not a good person. Here is a prime example of my shitty judgement while on morphine - I went to a store to get food and got caught shoplifting. That was scary, but did it stop me? No. Sadly it did not. Sober, I would not have stolen anything, stoned on pot I would not have done that either. I cannot even explain why I did it, I just did. I did a lot of things I cannot explain why I did them. I am ashamed and very much remorseful for my actions. Since I have stopped taking morphine - sober or stoned on pot - I have stolen nothing, I can explain my actions, I am honest. I am a better person now. 

Fourth, let's touch on the one person that screws it up for everyone. No matter what this will always happen. No matter the issue, this will always happen. 

Now, let me go where this has all been heading. While I can appreciate my friend's concern, I find the entire statement close-minded and not educated on the facts. I will not even touch the statement about gays because it offends me beyond words at this point. I will take that up with them later. This friend of mine I went to school with for a little bit. We got stupid drunk well under the age of 21 together. More than once. I won't even mention the driving - ooops.  Now, I have not seen this person since we went to school together and partied under age doing illegal things. I realize we grow up and go down different paths. I accept and appreciate all the people I choose to have in my life. So the truth is this - marijuana is safer than you have been told. Period. I would not trust myself with a gun while on morphine. I have the right to protect my home. I have the right to hunt for my meal (just as I you do - I have seen the pictures). But because I smoke pot, my rights should be revoked!? Oh, hell no. I have not committed any felonies to have my rights revoked. I realize I did not write anything while I was taking morphine, but if you could ask some people who knew me (if they don't run away after you mention my name) I can guarantee you they would tell you I was a fucking idiot. My judgement was lacking. I made bad choices. I hope that if you ask someone who knows me now, they would tell you my choices have vastly improved. And, I smoke pot - every single day. Because I smoke pot - my rights should remain as they were. Not be taken away. I think maybe some sober versus stoned target shooting needs to take place. Maybe I can prove it visually if my words don't do it. Come drive with me sober and then come drive with me stoned. You tell me which you would want on the road with you. I already know which one I would prefer. I am not the exception. But, I would be more than happy to be the example.

Help is At Your Doctor's Fingertips

But they are not paid to tell you marijuana is safer than what they are giving you for what you are seeing them for. Ok, not always, but seriously weed helps with SO much your doctor is not telling you. I have been thinking about my last doctor visit and was happy and now am not so much. Here is why -

I went to my dr with the medical records I had. Not much but it was proof I was taking high doses of morphine for pain and a list of other meds to treat what the morphine was doing to me. It was proof I had tried the drugs, you do not get to 600mg of daily morphine over night, I had been on it for about a decade. I went in to get help treating my back pain. I asked about marijuana and he told me if I tried this drug and that drug and exhausted all options he would THEN consider marijuana. I am already a medical marijuana patient and yes, I kept this from him so I could get his opinion without bias toward my being a complete fucking pothead. I was happy about that answer then. And now, not so much. It seemed to appease me because he was open to prescribing marijuana to me. Now looking back, I see I should not have been so ok about it. I had proof - he even said I did - that the "regular" drugs were not working for me. After a few years the drugs become ineffective and they up the doses. Like that is going to do much else than further your addiction to the drug. It is a band aid. Not a fix.

I am extremely frustrated because a friend of mine has a loved one who could benefit from medical marijuana. But with this bullshit "Drug War" our government has brainwashed this nation into believing marijuana is this horrible drug that will do things to you that you cannot come back from. By the way, that is acid, not weed. Show me ONE person who has overdosed on cannabis. I can show you how it helps my pain, my mood, my appetite, my anxiety, my depression, and my over all quality of life. I bet I will be able to do that before you can show me an overdosed cannabis user.

Well, with our government lying to us and our media, I will take responsibility for telling the truth. Marijuana is a safe effective medicine and it will not cause you to sleep for 20 hours a day. Morphine made me sleep. A. LOT. I can recall one time I slept for 36 hours. How is something i do not understand, but it happened. I have said this all before, but it must be said again and again until EVERYONE knows it is safer than alcohol, it will not poison you, it is a safer alternative to SO many medications and the side affects are pleasant. Wanting to kill someone for looking in my general direction is not a good side affect. Wanting to stay in my apartment because I had no energy to get out of bed is not a good side affect. Smoking pot, I can still move my arms and legs and get up if I need to. Cannot say that about when I was on the morphine. Take control of your doctors appointments and ask questions. Seek the truth in treatment for you. You will know what is right for you.

I may still be in pain, but at least I am smiling. I am not wanting to kill myself to stop suffering the daily pain. I have eliminated more drugs than I can recall by using cannabis instead of Pfizer products. And I don't know if it was all Pfizer, but I know at least 3 drugs I took were. I also know my doctor was promised a golf trip if he prescribed a certain drug. I was leaving my appointment and heard most of that conversation. Pfizer and other big pharmaceutical companies don't want marijuana on the market - and neither does Budweiser or Coors and other alcohol distributors. Why? Because they won't make as much money. I will tell the truth, I will tell you marijuana should not only be legal for medical purposes, it should for recreational ones as well. Regulate it like alcohol and this country's debt will be lower, the country will be working, and here is the best part - this country will be happy.

Pain

Pain is something you cannot see and we all deal with it differently. I am in an unreal amount of pain right now. I have not smoked any pot to ease it yet and am really wanting to so I can think straight. But I am going to write this while I am in pain in hopes that people see the anxiety pain can cause.

Right now my muscles ache desperately. I can feel my bones scraping against one another and that pain is much different from the muscle pain. Then my neck pain. At least I am able to turn my head today. Some days turning my head makes me wish for death. Not that bad in the pain department today - just so fucking uncomfortable that I am a complete bitch. I am taking my frustration out on someone (you know who you are) and that is not fair (even if I do have valid reason to be upset.). My pain intensifies my foul mood. I have not even mentioned the shooting pain in my legs from my sciatic nerve being pinched. I tried to rub my neck and feel sharp pain shoot down my right arm and makes my fingers make a fist (my right hand - pinky, ring finger and middle fingers) when I put pressure on a disc I can feel protruding from my spine. It feels like my neck needs to pop but it won't. I can't get part of my back to pop on my own so that hurts like hell too. Asking My Ex to pop my back is tiring - for BOTH of us.

I am trying to avoid taking Flexeril because I have things to do tomorrow. So, I am going to toke me some Obama because it won't make me sleep for 18 - 20 hours like the muscle relaxer. I do not think I should have to explain what I deal with on a daily basis but apparently I do. Maybe I can eat after I smoke too, because my stomach is pretty jacked up today from stress. Amazing that smoking pot will help me relax so my muscles do not ache as bad, help me deal with the pain instead of focus on it, improve my mood immensely and help ease my jacked up stomach so I can eat.

~~~~~~~~~~~

One toke later - I can feel my body relaxing a little bit. I can also feel that my jaw un-clenched. My mind has actually cleared of some of the bullshit running through it.

Two tokes - and I am starting to feel human. Pain is still here and pretty damn intense, but nowhere near where it was and I don't feel like living is a chore. I can focus on one thing at a time time and my head is not spinning as bad.

It has been about 5 minutes since I smoked that last hit. And I am about to go for my 3rd toke.

The other day my mom was discussing how old the women in my family live. Apparently we like to die in our 80's or 90's. That was most unpleasant news for me. To live like this every day - suffering - and in turn making others close to me suffer until I am in my 80's or 90's is a dreadful thought. I guess I am going to be the old lady smoking a joint in my rocker with my dogs by my side. Because what I was feeling when I started to write this is just that - suffering. I wish more people understood what it was like to live in pain everyday. Constant. Pain. And then add to the constant pain - nobody understands why you are in a foul mood. So that escalates situations.

Ah, my stomach just gave me the "feed me!" cue! This is good because it is 8 pm and I have not eaten all day. So, I have a smile on my face instead of a grimace, I am tolerating my pain much better now, and I am hungry. Side affects are much more pleasant than the side affects from Flexeril. I am going to go enjoy my side affects...

I Do Not Look Sick, But I Am

So I am reading this article about the DEA and their raids.

http://www.tokeofthetown.com/2011/11/dea_agents_made_marijuana_patient_evaluations_--_f.php

And yes, I am a bit pissed. I have said this before - I am a 35 year old white female. I look like every other 35 year old female. But what you cannot see is the pain I am in, the anxiety I feel, the sleeplessness that haunts me, or my stomach that makes me wish that sometimes I did not have to eat to survive.

The last time I checked DEA stood for Drug Enforcement Agency. And maybe my assumption is wrong, but since when did the DEA also become doctors?! And if my assumption is incorrect, I would never  just take a doctor's recommendation on whether to take any kind of drug for any ailment I had not discussed with them first.

The DEA is staking out places where legit patients go to get their medicine. Good, make sure these places are operating by the law! But to judge whether these patients are legit by just observation is absolute bullshit! I want to shake sense into people! OPEN your eyes! Just because you cannot see something does not mean it does not exist! Damn, look at God for example! Has anyone (in their right mind) ever seen God? No. But yet there are millions of people that still believe in God. Just because you cannot see my pinched nerve does not mean is is not pinched. Just because you cannot see my muscles spasm doesn't mean they aren't. Those two things alone cause me so much pain. That is just the physical part. The mental part can really get to you if you let it, and it is so difficult not to some days. Nobody can see pain or what is running through my brain. You can see the pain on my face sometimes, but notice the word sometimes. I try to hide it and sometimes the shooting pain does not allow me to hide anything. And when trying to hide the pain I clench my jaw, which hurts because of this. Then my mood dips low and I put my Bitchy Pantaloons on. Not fun to be around me when those are on, hell I do not want to be around me when they are on! That is until I smoke weed. Yup, that horrible, illegal, gateway drug! It eases my pain! I want to live! I want to eat and am able to without fear of my stomach completely going foul. I will not get into detail, but trust me. It is not pleasant. My stomach issues stem from my years of taking morphine for my pain. You can't see my stomach issues either DEA/doctor! When I smoke I am able to be a functioning member of society. When I was taking morphine I was a far cry from functioning. Yet, morphine is legal. If you knew my history and spoke with me DEA/doctor judge would you deem me a qualified legit patient for cannabis? Probably not because I look "young" and that means I must be lying.

Federal Government! I am talking to you! Legalize already! Marijuana is already a multi-million dollar industry. Why not oh, I don't know, maybe make jobs and oh, let's say just for fun, put some money back into America!? Enough is enough. There are protesters that are obviously out of jobs, put them to work. Regulate marijuana like alcohol and I believe this country will benefit immensely. And I am not the only one who believes this thing we cannot yet see.

The American Dream is A Joke

The American Dream. You know the white picket fence and 2.5 kids and a dog? Yeah, that dream. It is a big joke. America wants to lure us into thinking these are achievable dreams we can all reach and obtain. How is it possible to reach these goals if we are all looking for work? I swear if one more fucking asshole tells me to get a job, I might come fucking uncorked on them.

I quit a job I had because of many reasons. The main one was my employer was abusive - verbally. I hated going in to work because I was never sure what he would say or do next. The rules were always changing, which I am ok with, as long as you tell me what the rules are so I can follow them! He would also threaten often to fire someone, there were 3 employees he had and this threat would wear on me daily because of money. When I heard he was threatening to fire me I walked out. I could not handle anymore abuse. That was in October, it is now November. I had hoped to be a full-time employee somewhere by now. As I am sure several unemployed people had hoped to be gainfully employed by now too.

I have road blocks in my way while looking for work. I avoid anything that requires drug testing because of my choice of medication. That weeds (I really did not mean for the punny) out a LOT right there. Employers do not care if I partake in my medication while at work or not, since it is federally illegal, I am breaking the law. My frustration here is I am probably one of the best people for these jobs I avoid applying for. So, if I quit smoking pot I could get a job.

If I were to quit smoking I would not be a normally functioning member of society. I would be in so much pain. The muscle aches that won't let up. I in fact wondered the other day if what I was trying to rub out was bone and not muscle. The hollow ache inside my sciatic nerve would increase in intensity and eventually make me bed ridden. Then the depression sets in because I cannot do anything without the pain. That is when I start wishing for death to come take me away.

If I were to take the drugs prescribed to me by doctors for my pain as I have in the past, well, that is a long story. So let's get started. I was a HORRIBLE human being. First we shall start with the affects the meds had on me. I was ALWAYS sleeping. My friends stopped calling me to do stuff because I would be sleeping and grumpy they woke me. When I was able to do things I was a complete and utter bitch. I was pissed off at EVERYTHING! If I thought someone was looking at me sideways too long, I tore into them. And if I forgot to take my meds on time and I was out with friends, oh fuck, it was bad. Withdraws started and my bitchy pantaloons turned into psycho bitchy pantaloons. There was absolutely no reasoning with me. I was very dishonest. I lied to people who cared about me. I cheated on my boyfriends. I was numb to what my behavior and actions caused others. Numb. That is the perfect word - numb. I caused pain and heartache and I did not care.

I am now honest with myself and others. I admit my mistakes from my past. I am so proud of the person I am now. I KNOW I am good human being and I DESERVE to have the American Dream. But how can I achieve MY dream if the government puts road blocks in my way? The research is all there - in plain black and white. Marijuana, cannabis, weed, pot, ganja - whatever you call it, it is safer than anything else out there.  But since someone somewhere thinks the US is making more money off it being illegal, it stays illegal. How is that helping ANY of us achieve the American Dream? There are no jobs for those of us truly looking. Make jobs for us by legalizing this plant. I will open a cafe, I will follow the rules, and I will help others in my situation. I have dreams too. Why throw around something you can't back up America? Now with that said, I am broke and close to being out of my meds so I am going to scrape what resin I can find and continue my job hunt.

Legalize - PLEASE!

Today was the perfect example of why legalization would help me - at least. My mood was foul - very foul.  I am in pain, I have things going on in my life that are beyond frustrating - money, health, etc - and to top it off I was hungry. Not a good combo. I had plans with My Ex to run errands and we did, but being in pain and hungry my temper and patience  were very short. I had a doctors appointment in the afternoon and that with the fact that My Ex cannot reek of marijuana right before he goes to work were the reasons I chose to not smoke. Now, choosing to not smoke My Ex got the brunt of my shitty attitude and my doctor got to see the immense pain I am in. So I guess that part is good, but the fact I would rather be dead, not so much.

This did give me the opportunity to feel out my doctor's opinion on marijuana, and I now know he is open to the idea - AFTER we try big pharma first. I said I would gather all my medical records to prove I had gone down that road. I only had a few records from former doctors. But I have started in the right direction and am choosing to stick with this doctor. He understands my insurance runs out on the 31st of this month and is willing to work with me. So anyway, good things happened - but I still was wishing for death.

If cannabis were legal, I would have lit up a joint with no fear of My Ex getting in trouble or proving to my doctor, yes, I am truly in immense pain - please kill me now. So now, after all that, I sit here with Grand Daddy Purps in my bong trying to figure out how to get through to people who don't see the benefits of legalization. I know legalization would benefit the economy - watching a documentary last night even the DEA agents all said cannabis is the LARGEST cash crop in America. I know it would benefit our health. It cures cancer for fucks sake. I know Big Pharma doesn't want the public to know this, but it is true. Yes, TRUE. 

http://youtu.be/L4GzKy62UBE

So, my rant is over for now. My mood is better, my pain is still there, but I can deal with it now and not feeling like I wish I were dead. Thanks to a non-toxic, non-addictive, natural plant.

Random Pot Thoughts

I have been thinking a lot about something an old friend of mine said about smoking cannabis and losing your rights. I also had a nice little mini-debate with a very close family member who thinks this is ok, until I spoke up. Well, not really, he is still very close minded about marijuana, but I made my point, and I know he heard it :D

Being a medical marijuana patient you lose your Second Amendment right - the one to bear arms. Yeah, that one. I will call my family member F and my friend will be C. And here it goes...

C and I are discussing this issue. C says, "Another reason to not smoke legally" - as in C refuses to lose their right to gun ownership. Can't say I blame C one single bit. Our living situations are different, but being able to have home security is nice. I know my dog wouldn't do shit if someone broke into my home, well she might try to play with them, but security, nah. Being able to provide my family with food. Now, even though I don't have a penis, I have hunted, and am not opposed to doing it again. I think providing food for my loved ones was one of the most amazing things I have done. Shot it, had the boys help me carry it since my back is so bad, I cleaned it, and helped cut it up and I even made dinner - several times over. With the deer I killed. I am not allowed to feed my family this way anymore because I smoke pot.

I debate with F about this issue. F brought up the Amendments and I bring up MMJ and lost rights. First thing F says is, "GOOD!". I ask why. Now, please keep in mind F is VERY conservative, beyond opinionated, and HATES anything illegal. My theory on that last one is how long F spent in the military and being brainwashed. Just what I think. So F tells me that anyone on medication should not have the right to bear arms! WOW! Being F is on medication I let F know that THEY should not have their guns then! I hit a nerve ;) See, F not only was a career military veteran, F also enjoys hunting and is concerned about home security. So F stammers, "But, I am not stoned on my medication..." I beg to differ, 800 mg ibuprofen has a warning label on it telling you it may cause drowsiness. Hmmm, this is an oddly familiar side affect of the natural medicine - CANNABIS!!!! So F promptly tells me the First Amendment says F doesn't have to listen to what I think about this issue. Now, I KNOW I hit a nerve, because this is F giving up and F doesn't give up. I let F know that yes, you don't have to listen to what I have to say but the way I was raised is to hear what the other person has to say and think about it. F knows who raised me and is rather quiet. I make my point that gun shop owners have been informed to discriminate against what people look like while purchasing guns. F actually agrees that discrimination is not ok. I feel a move in the direction of maaaaaaaaaaaybe getting through a little. Regardless, we debate and I voice that yes, we disagree and that is ok. I thank F for the healthy debate and go on about my day with a smile on my face and a bounce in my step. I am growing balls to discuss marijuana with F and other members of my family, but especially F. So this made my day, if I got though amazing, and I know I didn't, but it is still amazing because what I think and how I feel is known.

So all this babbling does have a point. I find it sad that people have to choose to save their lives, their quality of life, ease their pain, help them go out in public and be members of society, deal with PTSD, deal with pain and may other ailments by using cannabis or still be a legal gun owner. Lawmakers, I BEG of you to explain to me WHY this makes sense to you! You must also be the same people who think everyone who smokes pot is a lazy video game addicted idiot. Well, you need to open your eyes and see this is not the case. I will fight you, and your ridiculous rules. And I will spread the truth about marijuana - pot - ganja - dank - sticky icky - oh I can go on, but I have three strains to medicate myself with and am not sure where to start.

Another Year... It Is Getting Better

Yup, tonight marks year 13. At least I can drive through that intersection a little easier now... I still get clammy hands, but at least I no longer break out into a full body sweat :)

We we coming home from Soul Coughing, an amazing show! I made sure that B (my ex-husband) did not drink more than one beer because I was already paranoid about drinking and driving. We were dropping off 4 (my sister's date) and were on Mill Plain headed north at the old library. This is what I can remember:

B was driving, I was the front passenger, C (my sister) behind B and 4 was behind me. We were at the light and it turned green and I told B, "Hey, it's green, GO!" Not yelling but kind of joking,. The next thing I remember is opening my eyes to see my windshield shattered and smoke coming from the engine. My airbag was open and dust was all in my mouth. I promptly passed out. When I opened my eyes again I heard C moaning. I look left and B is not conscious. I look at C and see blood - all over the place. I felt SO claustrophobic and removed my seat belt as quick as I could (not very quickly, I was woozy) and got out on my hands and knees. I was wearing a dress and got so much glass in my knees and hands from crawling to get C and B out. I get to the front of my car and there is a bumper on it (not mine), we are now facing west and my car - 1998 Toyota Corolla - is in the shape of a V. I was thinking how pissed I was my car was in pieces and my sister and B are bleeding but can't communicate with me yet. I realize I can't open the doors, but the windows are gone so I touch B and get him to make a noise, 4 is getting out right about this time, and I move to my sister's window and some (I will restrain from using negative terms about this person, even though I would really like to type what I think. I realize we all make mistakes and I have tried to forgive. I just cannot forget. No matter how hard I try.) woman comes at my car and is slurring her words and puts a hand in the driver's window and passenger's window - proceeds to shake my car and ask if they are ok! I am rather protective of the people I love and I went nuts on her. She was wearing a pink fuzzy sweater. People started getting between her and I. Witnesses, had not even dawned on me there could be people around. I smoked tobacco then and was freaking out and tried to light a smoke, but a cop freaked out and made me go sit down. Things get a little spotty here - I saw cops grab the woman that hit us and take her to their car and she was gone. I saw fire fighters, and the jaws of life came out. Imagine being in shock seeing this with two people who mean so much to you, trapped inside and you are told to sit and stay. I didn't do as I was told very well (still don't ;)) and when I was asking if B and C were ok I was getting vague answers, and well, I don't do well with those kinds of answers... They got B out and I heard them talking about how they were going to get C out - her left leg was trapped between the frame of the car and the driver's seat. I heard someone say amputate and well yeah, I think we can all imagine. They asked me who I wanted to ride with B or C. I chose my sister, and I would again. She was in worse shape, and I admit she means the world to me. I recall the ride to the hospital with her and the things I said. Those are going to stay with me, sorry. I remember the ER. Again, nobody wanted to tell me how C and B were, I FREAKED out until they gave me answers, they then sedated me. My parents showed up. Not fun. They had no idea I went and picked my sister up from school in Eugene for the show. They were NOT happy about that one bit.

All of us lived. I know my medical conditions stemmed from this night. I went to court and asked the judge to give the woman that hit us the most harsh sentence he could - she about killed 4 people. She refused to blow so the cops had to take her to the ER and get her blood drawn, it was over double the "legal" limit .08 for Washington State. I heard they had to strap her down to get it. I heard she went to jail for some time. I do not even recall her name. Not sure what has come of her, but she has really put a damper on my life. It's ok though, because she has also given me a purpose. To live the best life I possibly can.

So, to her, I take a bong hit, to help ease my pain, to help ease my anxiety and to help me smile.

Faking for Marijuana?

Oh holy crap I am heated. I am 35. I look like every other "typical" person my age, but I live in constant pain. Sometimes you can tell and sometimes you cannot. Some days are better than others. I use marijuana to help me ease and deal with my pain, deal with anxiety, appetite issues (stemming from 12+ years of being on morphine from pain), sleep issues, and to help me chill out after a long day at work. Yeah, I use it for non-medical reasons as well, what are you going to do about it? But tell me I am faking my pain to get my medical marijuana card, ok it is ON.
Every single day I wish at some point I were dead so I would no longer have to feel this hell on a daily basis. My muscles ache and refuse to relax. My bones ache and grind against each other in my back, I have degenerative disc disease. I use the corners of walls to dig into my back to break up the muscle cramps and this is not always helpful. I have cried myself to sleep countless nights because of this pain. I have fallen because my legs give out from under me at random times. This also causes other pain that I get to deal with because I refuse to take the drugs the doctors keep trying to shove down my throat. I have nerve damage and issues that send this unreal sharp pain shooting down my legs and arms. It hurts to stand for any period of time, sit for too long without stretching and getting up to readjust my back, and if I lay in bed too long the pain can be unbearable. I am constantly asking my ex-boyfriend to help me pop my back and rub my back - seriously annoying if you are on the receiving end of these requests daily.
For pain I was given morphine. For nerve damage Neurontin (I may spell some drug names wrong - you will get the idea of what I mean). Sleeping issues I have been prescribe numerous sleep aids. Nausea I was given Phenergan. I cannot even recall the other drugs I was on, but there was about 10 to 15 total daily. Now, I smoke pot. It covers everything and my side affects are giggles and munchies.
So, you think I am faking, fuck you. You do not know me or anyone else who lives in pain like me. Just because you do not see our health issues does NOT give you the right to accuse me of faking to get pot. If I were not in pain and wanted pot, I would get it. I don't NEED your fucking cards, I CHOOSE to do the right thing, unlike you.

Legalization Frustration

I am far from perfect. I admit it. But I am seriously getting more and more frustrated with seeing things online for legalization of marijuana that #1 make no sense or #2 the spelling and grammar are so atrocious that it makes me shake my head and wonder if maybe the cause I am fighting for is worth it because these people make legalizing marijuana look like a terrible idea.

These people are either frustrated and do not read what they write before posting online or uneducated and it shows. The uneducated part I think frustrates me the most since education on and about marijuana is vital to getting it legalized. If uneducated folks start ranting and making zero sense how is that going to prove my (and several others) point about it being a safe non-toxic plant with amazing medicinal purposes? I understand there are  texts and short versions of common words, but when trying to get the word out on marijuana please, I beg of you spell check your shit.

Ignorance and Education

It amazes me how people view marijuana as this evil drug and the only people who use it are lazy fucks who don't do anything but smoke pot and play video games all day.

I may not have a college degree (I am working on that). I do have a full-time job, and not flipping burgers. I work in an office as an office manager - really it is a fancy name for secretary but it pays (some) of the bills :) And here is the kicker!!! I smoke marijuana daily. So does this mean I am a lazy stoner? Am I a lazy stoner even though I contribute to society? Am I a lazy stoner that is trying to make a change in this country? I guess when my marijuana tax dollars pay for this country to better itself we will find out how lazy of a stoner I truly am.

I speak the truth on marijuana and am trying to educate people who have believed the lies told to them about it. My family for one. They are pretty damn conservative, then there is me. Outspoken, loud, obnoxious and not conservative. If I think it, you will know. If I feel it, you will know. So discussing marijuana with them was a very scary step for me, but I have done it. And now I need to re-educate them on the truths. If marijuana were legal I am 100000000% positive my family would use it for medical purposes. But since it is not, they rely on the pills the doctors give them and I get to watch the suffering. I was on morphine for over 12 years. I was NOT a healthy individual contributing to this society. I am still - and most likely will be for a very long time - straighting out my life from those years. 

If only one person reads this and decides to do their own research on marijuana then my job is done. But my goal is to get everyone educated on the truths of marijuana and that just because you smoke it, doesn't mean all you are going to do is sit on the sofa snacking til you're fat and play video games until the day you die. There are motivated potheads like myself. And I am not as motivated as some of the Sensible Washington  or NORML people. I am a mere speck in all of this, but I will continue to get the word out. 

Alternatives...

Someone I care for very much is having back surgery today. Not sure what makes me worry more, the surgery or the recovery. I have been avoiding back surgery and saying no to it for at least 10 years if not longer. I have heard that after one you will continue to need more surgery and I have also heard the surgery sometimes makes the pain worse. That was enough for me to say no, I can make it. I was also numbed from the morphine. I really wish our government would legalize marijuana so that people could have a safe alternative to pain medications. Maybe then this person would actually try a safer medication if it was legal. I am all for modern medicine but the government and the doctors need to recognize that marijuana is a safe alternative to pills. Pills hurt more in the long run than they help in the here and now. My head is spinning because I cannot control what others choose to do and I am so worried this person might have to go through the pure hell I went through. Already the pills are making them nauseous. Marijuana would help with the nausea and the pain. Instead of taking however many pills eat a brownie, smoke a bowl or hell use THC infused soy wax on the parts that hurt and ache. I just wish people would learn and be open to the truth about marijuana. And I wish I could really express what I feel and think right now but just cannot get the words out. Grateful that my boyfriend is here to listen to me as I babble on about crap that makes no sense to him I am sure.

To a speedy and painless recovery…

Really? Am I REALLY Supposed to Believe You?

Ok I am calling bullshit on this. Not sure when the dumbfuck died or if he even did but this is awfully convenient. If the guy is really dead - great. But to celebrate it is not smart nor is it respectful in any way. We get all upset when our soldiers bodies are disrespected and mutilated in combat zones, why the fucking hell are we being just as disrespectful? I thought this was a nation of "Christians" you know the ones that practice what they preach and turn the other cheek. Oh that is right that is in a perfect world, one we obviously do not live in. But I digress from the real topic, the death of bin Laden. The SUPPOSED death of bin Laden I should say. This man has been declared dead (with NO solid evidence) more times than Jesus. I think that alone should prove we need to be wary of what the government tells us. Why should we trust them? They lied before (marijuana kills for example or how about Agent Orange - seriously I can list these things until the sun goes down) and will again. I do not see why people are celebrating someone's death as if it really will have ANY impact what-so-ever on this "war on terror". The dumbass government set up the "Terror Alert" and it should not be used because it fuels the terror. "Now" that he is "dead" people are out celebrating and fueling another fire - the fire of the people pissed off bin Laden is dead. How smart is that America? I think there is something else going on here - not sure what it is but there is something being withheld from the people. And burial at sea so no shrine is made for him - *cough cough bullshit cough* I don't buy it. I just don't fucking buy it.

April 20th

April 20^th. Stoners get stoned and celebrate today. It is the “Hallmark” holiday for tokers. There are many rumors as to the meaning of 420, but this is what it means to me.

Today is a good and bad day for me. Bad for the reason that three years ago today at 4:20 pm my pit bull Piper died. So it is a day I remember her with me and Stella. It is a good day because of many reasons. I get to educate people on marijuana and enjoy a good toke. Today is a day I can appreciate no longer taking morphine or other horrible prescription drugs for my pain. I appreciate my life so much more now. So I will celebrate the lack of morphine in my system today. I am even more excited for tonight because I get to spend it with someone that means so much to me. That is what today is about; spending it with the people I love and care for and spreading my love for this plant to the ears that will listen.

It is a day to enjoy a good toke, but that is what every day is to me. I think every day should be looked as a day of enjoying marijuana. Just like Veteran’s Day – every single day we should celebrate our veterans, not just one day out of the year. And speaking of “Hallmark” holidays – Valentine’s Day – shouldn’t every day be the day you tell the person you love how much they mean to you? So, as I said, every day should be a day to appreciate marijuana - medically or not. Don’t get me wrong, I will toke today – as I do every other. I will also go out and seek signatures for Washington State’s 1149. I will DO something about 420. I will continue to fight for legalization until the Federal Government legalizes it. One day this country will realize how amazing this plant is, how it can help people like it has helped me. I want marijuana legal for everyone who is old enough to serve for this country. If you are allowed to buy tobacco (please don’t - it causes cancer) you should be old enough to LEGALLY purchase marijuana.

So I will listen to my stoner tokin’ songs today and smoke up. I will talk til my voice is gone to anyone who will listen to what I have to say about marijuana. And I will appreciate my life and the people I choose to have in it today. I hope all of you have a stony 420…

How Marijuana Saved My Quality of Life

Being on morphine for so long I became numb - to everything.  I never realized how numb until I stopped taking it and started smoking marijuana as my medication. 


While taking the morphine I was able to do more physically like I had before the car accident.  It numbed my nerves enough that I was able to go to the gym again, go hiking, camping, snowboarding, all the stuff I wanted to do and had done previous to the accident.  But the side affects were horrendous.  I could not stay awake.  Driving was out of the question most days.  I could not get up in the morning so holding down a job was near impossible.  Getting out of bed was such a huge ordeal for me.  I would crawl back in pissed off and grumpy saying, "Fuck the world!" neglecting any and all responsibilities I had for days on end.  I was always sick to my stomach - unable to eat or keep anything down.  I was on edge, if someone looked at me sideways I would unleash my anger on them and that was never pretty.  I was so emotional.   Thinking about how my life was previous depressed me to no end.  Crying was a common thing and it got old pretty quickly.  The happy person I used to be seemed like a dream.  Needless to say I did some things I am not proud of and keeping a healthy relationship going was not in the cards for me while taking morphine.  My head was all screwed up.  My body was all screwed up.  I will not go into the side affects that are erhm - personal, but trust me there are quite a few.  When I say I was numb, I mean even to the touch.  I was a complete mess.  And when the morphine stopped working the doctors would up the dose, making all of these issues amplified.  Morphine was literally poisoning my body.  I had to get blood work done each month to see how my liver and other organs were functioning.  A few times I had seizures, I had no idea what was going on but knew something was not right.  Oh by the way, the doctors did not believe me about the seizures.  That was fun.  My existence was miserable.   

I wish I had questioned the doctors, but I have learned so much from this experience.  Marijuana is an amazing plant and I will say this til the day I die.  It helps me with my pain, my anxiety, my nausea, my not being able to sleep, and yes even my depression.  I do not have the same depression issues I did while I was taking the morphine.  I believe most of the depression was morphine induced.  I have learned to listen to my pain - it tells me when to stop.  And since stopping the morphine and switching to the non-toxic marijuana, I am able to wake up in the mornings in a decent mood - usually before my alarm goes off.  That was an unthinkable act for me for 12+ years!  I now have a healthy appetite and am able to keep my food down which is much more enjoyable.  I may not be able to go to the gym anymore or go snowboarding, but walking my dog and lap swimming are helping keep me healthy.  I am motivated to do things again and that feeling is so amazing.  I want to get out of bed.  I have my passion for life back.  When someone touches me now I can feel it, I long for it.  I used to jerk away from hugs and now I want more.  Yeah, maybe I am that creepy hugger now :)  You know, the one that doesn't let go when they should...  Ok, but really.  My head feels clear and normal (as normal as it can feel I suppose :)) and waiting for the weather to clear up is driving me crazy.  I cannot wait for spring and summer so I can go hiking again!  I want to do these things and desire to again. 

The side affects of marijuana - giggles, munchies and epic weed naps.  I will take these any day over the hell I have lived.  All I can do is get my side of the story out there and hopefully educate people who are in a similar situation that there are alternatives out there to what the doctors are prescribing.

March 5th - Why I am A Marijuana Advocate

A year ago today was the scariest, best and worst day of my life so far.  On March 4th 2010 I took my last prescribed dose of morphine.  My last 300 mg dose - imagine 2 of those a day.  March 5th 2010 was a long day for me...

In October of 1998 I was injured in a bad car accident.  The pain made me seek medical attention and I was soon put on narcotics.  It started out with Vicodin and other narcotics but soon progressed to morphine.  I believed the doctors knew what was best for me so I did not question their decision to have me take these drugs; I mean they are doctors...  Soon my body became addicted, I say my body because I would forget to take a dose on time and already would start the fun process of withdrawals just minutes after missing my dose.  I would go through those often because I would forget to take the pills.  There were times I had run out of morphine and ended up in the ER.  I was treated as if I were the scum of the earth because of the medications I was taking and seeking treatment for my pain in the ER.  I asked my doctors several times to see if there was anything at all that I could do or take that was not morphine.  They switched my medications up a few times between fentanyl patches, methadone and the morphine - MS Contin.  None of these were much "fun" to take or be on.  The patches would fall off and again I would go through withdrawals.  Now I have not done much research on the side effects of the narcotics the doctors prescribed me but I can tell you what they did to me.  I had problems sleeping - so I was prescribed a sleep aid, I had issues with nausea - so I was prescribed an anti-nausea pill, I was having problems staying awake - so I drank a ton of coffee, I was not the happy person I used to be - they tried to give me anti-depressants but I hated how they made me feel too, so I was just a bitch.

I had to always make sure if I wanted to go out of town I had enough morphine with me so I would not get sick.  The pain was never really 100% under control and my body adjusted to the narcotics very quickly and so they ended up not working and the doctors would up the dose.  In the end I was taking 600 mg of MS Contin every day.  That does not include the liquid morphine for "breakthrough pain" or the other narcotics for muscle relaxers and other various issues stated earlier.

For various reasons I will not get into I stopped taking morphine a year ago.  Honestly, I am not sure what is worse - the morphine or the withdrawals.  It was ugly.  I was in more pain during the weeks I was going through withdrawals than I was after the car accident.  If I did not have my dogs keeping me company, not leaving my side while I was in bed for over a week, I might very well have lost my mind.  Max would snuggle me and Stella would keep guard at my feet - on the bed of course.  I still am having side effects from no longer taking morphine - a YEAR later.  There was a song that helped me feel like I could get through the hell I had put myself in - No Cocaine by Slightly Stoopid.  I had been listening to and watching NORML web casts every day for a month or two prior to this and heard that song there.  (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfKexB7qKrs) 

I can't recall how old I was the 1st time I smoked pot, maybe 17 - 18.  I remember growing up and being told how horrible marijuana was for you and how it could kill you.  Yes, this is what I was taught.  I smoked pot off and on from then on.  Now I smoke it every day.  Yes, I am PROUD to be a stoner.  I have since learned marijuana will not kill you and it actually has medicinal powers – non-addictive ones that can help with pain - and do help me with mine.  And I have also learned that the side effects of marijuana are MUCH more enjoyable than the ones of narcotics... I would much rather have the munchies and giggles instead of feeling like I might puke at a moment’s notice or like I wanted to kill someone for looking at me wrong.

Not only do I no longer take morphine but I no longer take any of the other medications prescribed to me to help me sleep and not feel sick all the time.  Marijuana helps me with all of those issues.  I can sleep at night now, I can eat without feeling like I am going to throw it up soon after, my pain is fairly well managed and my happy attitude is back.  Interesting how my pain level is about the same as when I was taking morphine to now by just smoking marijuana.  Looking back on my 12+ years of life addicted to morphine scares the shit out of me.  How I made it I will never know.  I have since learned so much about the amazing things marijuana can help with - PTSD, epilepsy, and so much more.  Marijuana may not be what is right for you, but it IS right for me.  Marijuana is a miracle that has brought me my life back and I will fight for legalization - FEDERAL legalization.  I will NOT sit quietly and smoke my bowls - I will let you know I am smoking and damn proud to be.  I will not hide that I am a pot smoker, why should I hide a beautiful thing?  I will tell you what I have learned about marijuana so that you know some truth.  If you don't want to hear about pot, you do not want to talk to me.  You will see me out there collecting signatures for Sensible Washington again this year.  And every year until it is legalized...  Question your doctors - ALWAYS, educate yourself, and really - don't believe everything that you have been taught.  I want to educate people on the plant and share my story.

This is just my side of the story.  For more TRUTH about the amazing plant marijuana please visit:

www.norml.org

Not that these people will ever read this but I must say thank you to NORML, "Radical" Russ of NORML and everyone who works with him for the weekday 1 pm shows (Pacific time) I would watch on Stickam. You helped me more than I can say.  Thank you to THCF for helping me be a legal, card carrying, educated, and obviously a damn proud medical marijuana patient.